Ho ho ho and all that jazz.
Christmas is hurtling towards us at a rate of knots. So it’s time to get in the loft and dig out your Hammers related festive goodies.
You know you tucked the stuff away last January, but where? It’s like a pre-Christmas treasure hunt.
It won’t be Christmas unless you can find that West Ham Santa hat with the bobble on top that you always wear on Christmas day to annoy the relations who aren’t of the claret and blue persuasion.
And the tree? It just won’t look right until adorned with a couple of baubles with the crest on them. Jesus would approve.
I had great fun one Christmas surreptitiously slipping a few West Ham baubles on to the tree of my Manchester United supporting in-laws. The language was rather choice and very un-festive when discovered hours later. It’s the little things that provide the most amusement.
It’s a gag I can’t pull again round there as I am now always watched like a hawk when within a five foot radius of the tree.
West Ham Christmas cards are also a pleasure to send out. If you have an Arsenal supporting friend or family member it’s the law to send one to them. It is the time of year to spread joy and a little bit of class to those less fortunate than ourselves.
If you want to go the whole nine yards you can of course invest in the West Ham crackers and put your West Ham stocking out for Santa.
As for presents it’s fairly easy to grab something for all ages of fan these days with our super-duper mega jumbo store punting out truckloads of different stuff in claret and blue and branded with the club crest.
When I was a kid though it was a more baron wasteland. The club shop was a porta cabin and didn’t stock much beyond bobble hats, scarves, badges and old programmes.
One of my best ever Christmas presents came my way in 1980. I was 11 and West Ham crazy.
Back in this pre internet, computer, and the world available at the tap of a button age I thirsted after any West Ham information and memorabilia that I could get my hands on.
I had a scrapbook full of match reports neatly snipped from my mum’s newspaper of choice, and my bedroom walls were adorned with various pictures of players gleaned from the go to magazine of all footie mad boys and girls Shoot.
This particular Christmas the underneath of the tree was well stocked with presents and one at the back caught my eye. A rather large tube.
I had no idea what it contained. It was over 3 foot long, so if it contained fruit pastilles or maltesers I was liable to require a new set of teeth.
When it came time to open it, the tag attached announced it was from and Aunt and Uncle of mine. They had a history of sending tubes of sweets so I could well be about to open enough sugary treats to stop an hysterical rhino in its tracks.
But upon lifting it I found it very light and totally devoid of rattling.
My teeth breathed a sigh of relief.
I popped the cap at one end and inside was something papery and rolled.
I slid it out and unravelled it.
It was a very glossy poster of the 1980 FA cup squad. Resplendent in my favourite kit of all time, made by Admiral, with the ‘V’ on the front.
I can still remember the joy. This poster was 3 foot square. To an 11 year old it seemed even more massive than it was.
I have no idea where my uncle managed to get this from. It wasn’t anything you could buy and must have been some kind of promotional item.
I had not seen one before and I haven’t seen one since.
In no time at all the poster was stuck to my bedroom wall. I spent hours looking at it.
I know it was only a poster but it brought me pure joy.
When I left home aged 21 it was still on my wall. In fact it was still there when my children went to stay with their Nan in my old room.
So this Christmas remember it the simple things that can bring most joy.
COYI