One of the delights of Christmas for me is watching the TV repeats every year. I liked nothing more than seeing the re-runs of Some Mothers do Have Them or Are you Being Served, not forgetting my favourite Dads Army. The music at Christmas with the playing of the old favourites songs of yesteryear give us a familiar feeling at this time of year and as someone that loves nostalgia, I thought I’d bring you my favourite ever article I have written.
The context of this article was I had been to a SAB meeting where David Gold gave a speech where he said, for the first time, that when he looked down Green Street he could see his past, 442 Green street, his present, the Upton park he was standing in & the future in that he could see in the distance the Mittal Tower next to the soon be home of the Hammers, The Olympic Stadium.
Naturally, I wasn’t impressed by DG’s speech, and quipped that all that was missing was Marley’s ghost. With that in mind, I wrote this article for Over Land & Sea back in December 2012 and I’d like to share it with you all here in its original form.
The three ghosts were chosen specifically as Eric Parsons was DGs favourite player, John Bond had only recently died and the ghost of Xmas future was based on my friend and fellow anti move rebel, Alison.
Naturally, I tried to predict the future as expected, I over-dramatised what I thought the future would be and I will leave it to you all decide how close I was.
Also lower down is the film version made by the great Canning Town Len, voices by the Gonzo as well which as you will see has some slight changes to try to make it appeal more to the fans.
I hope you enjoy and Merry Christmas to you all.
A West Ham Christmas Carol
T’was Christmas eve and David Gold stood on the balcony overlooking the concourse out onto Green street. When he looked to his right he could see to his childhood home, number 442. It held so many memories. In the distance he could see the Olympic stadium, where he hoped to move his beloved club no matter what the fans think. In one moment he could see his past present and future standing there in front of him. It filled him with pride – pride in where he had come from and what he had achieved. He was alone in his thoughts and had not noticed the shadowy appearance next to him.
DG, “DAD” he cried, recoiling in the fact that his father had been dead for many years.
GG” Hello David, tis Christmas Eve and I bring you a message, tonight you will be visited by 3 spirits, be sure to listen to all 3 as the future of the club depends upon”. And with that, he was gone.
DG was shocked but looking around and noticing he was alone, shrugged it off as an illusion. That night sitting alone at home, his mind on other things, he heard the clock strike 11, a great draft blew in through an open window, DG quickly closed it. Feeling a slight shiver he walked over to pour himself a drink, he turned back into the room. Standing there was the first spirit, “Woooahh do you recognise me?”
DG “Its, its, Its Eric Parsons, The Rabbit, I remember you, you were my favourite player as a kid.”
EP “Well I’m the ghost of Christmas past, and I’m here to take you on a journey.” And with that Eric grabbed DG’s arm and picked him up and together they left his house. Before they knew it they were back in Green Street. It’s December 26 1949. Standing outside 442 Green Street, a young DG was leaving his house, off into the crowd that was walking past the Boleyn House turret and into the Ground.
EP “Look how happy you are DG look how happy the crowd are.”
DG “yes, I loved this place, such happy times, nothing can quite beat the sound of Green Street on a match day. A great game as well Eric, you scored as we beat Swansea 3-0.”
EP “Yes DG happy days, but still hold on to your memories because when they tear this place down that’s all that people will have, another piece of East London tore down in the name of progress”.
DG “But it will be for the better Eric.”
EP “Time we were off, got to get you back, just hold on to your memories, that’s all you will have.”
And with that Eric Parsons was gone, and DG was back sitting in his lounge. Was it real, had he imagined it, where was that drink he wanted? He went back to the drinks cabinet
“I wouldn’t drink that if I was you Dave.” DG jumped back in shock. “John Bond is that you?”
JB “Yup, not been gone long so I’m a bit new to this spooking lark, but I’ve been nominated as the Ghost of Christmas present, Woooahhh. Wheres the cigars”
DG “Can we get on with it?”
JB “Come on then off we go” suddenly they were back at the lounge at the Boleyn Ground, watching the recent SAB meeting. Karren Brady was speaking to the assembled members, many nodding their heads like the life-size caricature dolls they sell in the club shop of Gold & Sullivan.
DG “She’s got them eating out the palm of her hand, look at them they are loving it.”
JB “Not all though DG, look in the corner to your right see, the revolutionaries plotting your downfall. they can see through the rubbish Brady is spouting. Only 54,000 seats, of which 35,000 will be upper tier so they will all be sitting the wrong side of the running track. in theory, you can fit every fan that attends games at the Boleyn in the upper tier so all will be behind the running track.
DG “Yeah but we will push seats up to the track."
JB “that’s right you will, BUT you said on Match of the Day 2 that front row seats of the Boleyn will match the front row seats of the OS”
DG “Yes that’s right.”
JB “Yeah, but only at the corner flag, because of the arc of the seating the middle will be a lot further away and I didn’t know that the front row of the seats at the Boleyn was 9 meters away because that is the nearest seat at the OS.”
DG “well they are in the East stand”.
JB “come on Mr Gold time we were leaving, got to get you back for No 3”
and with that, they were back in DG’s house.
Relieved to be back DG decided to forgo that drink and retire to bed. He drifted off quite quickly but was soon awoken by a crashing noise. he looked up to see at the end of his bed, a shadowy figure, wild hair and with a cane.
DG ”Who are you?”
BB “I’m the Beast of the Boleyn and I’ve been sent as the spirit of Christmas future. Come on shorty, your coming with me,” and with that, the beast dragged DG off by his ankles.
Next, he knew they were getting off a tube train at West Ham station.
DG “What we doing here?”
BB “Got to walk from here up the Greenway to the OS, won’t let us get off at Stratford, apparently because of the recent aggro when Millwall turned up Westfield have stopped the football fans from entering the stadium that way, now we walk in all weather, 30 minutes up to the stadium.”
DG “What Millwall are in the Premier League?”
BB “I thought you were mad, not stupid. It was a cup game."
As they trudged through the rain the stadium appeared. A sign lit up the view. Welcome To the VISA Stadium, the home of WEST-FIELD OLYMPIC FC.
DG “What’s with that sign?”
BB “Well when you and Sully sold the club after you moved into the OS it was bought by that Aussie who owned next door, the Westfield shopping centre. He didn’t like the name anymore so changed it, dropped the Ham changed it to Field.”
DG “What about the Olympic bit, though.”
BB “ That was Karren Brady’s idea, don’t you remember her Sun Column when you and Sully bought the club?"
As the pair entered the stadium, 1/2 empty in appearance, Gold turned to the Beast. “Where are the fans then?”
BB “Well there are 35,000 in here. The same as you used to get at the Boleyn, but once the initial goodwill disappeared, the £10 tickets never materialised and the tourists stopped coming because the the view is better elsewhere and the part-timers went back to their shopping and watching on the TV. All that was left were loyal regulars, those that had stuck by the club, through thick and thin, of course, many have walked away in disgust at the way you and the others treated them, but then you couldn’t deliver on your promises, no Champions League football, no top 4 finishes, no challenging for the best players in the world, no safe standing area as you couldn’t incorporate that when the Athletics was using the stadium. Just the same old West Ham but in more square footage. That is your legacy, Mr Gold, for once they lost the ground it was easy to strip away the old ways in pursuit of the modern money. The Boleyn was part of the fabric of the club, once torn though, might as well change the lot.”
DG “This is not what I had planned.”
BB “No Mr Gold, it wasn’t, but then you don’t control the future, just the here and now… Time to go Mr Gold.”
David Gold awoke in his bed on Christmas Day. Had he dreamed it, was it just a bad dream or is it the future of the club?
Of course, we all hope the above is purely fictional, it came to me while listening to DG’s speech at the SAB meeting, all that was missing was Marley’s Ghost. No one knows what the future will bring, but as said above The Boleyn is part of the fabric of the club, once torn away it leaves a frayed edge that could possibly unravel to nothing.
Merry Christmas everyone