Brady, Gold and Sullivan are hunched up together in the safe room in Sullivan’s house.
‘David, why are we meeting here?’, Brady asks.
‘Cos it’s secure and I don’t want any of this getting out. Look, we need a way to con fans…’
‘You mean ‘persuade, don’t you?, Gold interjected.
‘Yes, persuade fans to give us their season ticket money, as fast as we can.We have to invent some sort of scenario in which we persuade fans to give us the lolly. Now, Karen, you’re the brains of this organisation. I asked you to come up with a scenario.’
‘A scenario….That makes sense,’ Gold added.’ After all, we know this bloody virus is coming back and it’s unlikely fans will be allowed back to the stadium for some time yet.’
Brady nodded.’ So, this is what I have come up with. I’ve looked in my crystal ball and devined that the Government will allow only a limited crowd to come and watch games. I’ve decided 70% is a good figure, because the average fan will sense they will have a fair chance to see the game. We can say there will be a lottery – everybody likes a lottery.’
‘Mmmm, that’s not bad,’ Sullivan decided.’ Yeh, we can take advantage of their loyalty. As long as we take their money, I don’t give two hoots.’
‘But we must promise to give the money back, if fans aren’t allowed back to games’, Brady added
Gold and Sullivan laughed. ‘Yeh, we’ll promise automatic refunds as long as they ring a number, which we’ll never connect,’ Gold said chuckling.
Brady’s raised her eyebrows,’ I must ask the question about those fans who have lost their jobs during the lockdown. It’s a bit of a blow to them asking for money upfront, when we know we can’t deliver.’
‘ Poor sods. Their loss is nothing compared to how my property portfolio has gone down. What about the fans who don’t trust us?’, Sullivan asked.
They all looked aghast.
Brady nodded,’ I thought about those f**kers. We’ll get them to pay 30% to secure their season ticket and they can go and swing as far as attending any matches. And I’m going to make them only able to renew by ringing up and the average waiting time will be 59 minutes.’
Gold and Sullivan rubbed their hands together.’ Yeh, that will do nicely’, Sullivan concluded.
’Let’s hope none of the fans query what happens to the credit they are due for the past season’s lost games.’ Brady added.