Match Report

As there is a hiatus in the West Ham programme, I thought I’d let you know my predictions for 2020 for West Ham:

Pellegrini finishes his ranch in Patagonia and moves there. He decides to manage West Ham via Skype.

Arthur Masuaku decides to learn Spanish, so he can understand what Pellegrini is saying. He realises, he has completely misunderstood his role in the team.

Roberto is signed up for the Ultimate Fighting Championship after his punching abilities are spotted .

Sullivan decides to lend his expertise to the women’s team and sends out the team topless against Arsenal WFC. There is a record crowd at the London Stadium.

Dame Lady Brady decides to rebrand the team and they will be known as Olympic London in the 2020/2021 season. West Ham colours will be a mix of Sarcoline (it makes your legs look longer) and Smaragdine

Wilshere makes a comeback, but trips over a blade of grass whilst warming up on the touchline as a substitute. He is out with an ankle sprain for the rest of the season.

Ajeti scores his first goal for West Ham. Unfortunately, it is an own goal when he heads into his own net from an opposition corner.

Sullivan realises all his problems are caused by his Russian hat. He switches to a bowler and West Ham win three in a row.

West Ham’s Director of Football , Mario Husillos, realises Pele is out of contract and signs him on a three year deal at £100,000 per week.

VAR disallows another Antonio goal and he is given a red card when he goes to the sidelines and smashes the VAR monitor.

David Sullivan receives a knighthood from the Queen for services to pornography, on the recommendation of Prince Andrew.

Iain Dale is appointed Director General of the BBC.

Boris Johnson abolishes the BBC

Someone adds cocaine to the blowing bubbles machine and fans go home happy after a 5-0 defeat.

Kicking It with Experience Kissimmee, the half time game, becomes a national obsession and wins a prime spot on ITV.

Fans book a holiday to Kissimmee and find out it doesn’t exist.

Someone steals the seats taken out in the summer and the West Ham capacity is reduced to 40,000.

A five a side football competition takes place on the purple carpet in front of the directors’ box.

Because of a no deal Brexit at the end of 2020, Fabianski has to return to Poland

I wish all the West Ham community well over the Xmas period and a happy new year. One thing we all have is spadefuls of hope.