I wake up most weekdays at 5:30am. When my eyes open and my brain begins the very slow process of rebooting for the day, the initial thoughts normally begin with morning tasks like making lunch for my son, unloading the dishwasher, and drinking coffee. The other day, however, I woke up and the very first thing that crossed my mind was stark and simple;
We are gonna lose to Newcastle.
There was absolutely no buildup to this. Alarm sounded, eyes opened, gloom and doom struck. Not only did the big picture hit me, I even started writing the script. Newcastle will score early, inside the opening ten minutes. Then Rafa will have them dig in, successfully frustrate us, and eventually score a second. 2-0. I usually hate being wrong. Today I will celebrate it.
The opening two minutes had at least one instance, Ritchie going over Cresswell, that deserved a yellow card. There were other questionable tackles, but not even a whistle let alone a booking. The hockey fan in me smiled. The West Ham supporter in me worried. What else is new.
The first moment of the match to cause the normal level of panic I feel on a consistent basis was in the 9th minute when Manquillo cut inside from the left and sent a curling cross in front of goal. Ritchie and Fabianski went for the ball, and thankfully for the visitors the latter won the race.
Of the two players in the starting eleven today, the two that have had arguably the toughest time getting there were Hernandez and Snodgrass. Even this morning social media was awash with stories about Chicharito saying an exit is possible due to lack of minutes. So there was a bit of karma in the 11th minute when Snodgrass sent an inviting cross into the box. Hernandez timed his run behind Arnautovic perfectly and did what he does best. Score goals.
Newcastle 0
West Ham 1
With all of the early shenanigans it was absurd when Snodgrass was booked in the 21st minute, giving Newcastle a free kick from about 30 yards out. The delivery was very good, and Perez got on the end of it. But his header was straight at Fabianski. Moments later, West Ham should have had a second when Anderson sent a stunning through ball for Arnautovic who was in alone on goal. Dubravka came out to intercept and made contact with the West Ham striker. You had to wonder what would have happened had Arnie gone down. He didn’t. By the time he gathered the ball and his bearings, Newcastle had come back to defend and Arnie’s weak pass deflected into the keepers arms.
Minutes later Perez had another open look at goal from a Newcastle corner, but he didn’t even hit the target and the ball flew over the bar. West Ham had two chances of their own moments later but couldn’t capitalize. First, Cresswell just missed a streaking Arnautovic in the box. Then the visitors had a three on three counter attack, with Anderson at the helm. He rolled the ball to Arnautovic in the box, but when Arnie tried to get the ball to Hernandez in front of goal Dubravka was able to intercept.
I had never seen a referee book a player for not taking a free kick quickly enough. So between the earlier Snodgrass booking and that one for Noble, Tierney entered my black book as one of the more prolific morons in the game.
As first half injury time wound down, Perez had yet another half chance. With the ball at his feet, he turned Balbuena and fired a curling right footed shot that went high and wide. Then Rondon did well to chest a ball down to his feet right in front of Fabianski, but with a yellow card to consider Zabaleta made a brilliant tackle to keep West Ham in front.
Halftime
Newcastle 0
West Ham 1
The first opportunity of the second half came from what should have been a problem for Newcastle when Dubravka came outside of the eighteen yard box to dribble the ball away from danger. Instead of feeling the pressure, he sent a long ball to Rondon that started an attack. It ended with a set piece that West Ham handled. A minute later, West Ham countered and Hernandez sent a perfectly weighted ball to Arnautovic behind the Newcastle defense. One good touch and he would have been off to the races. But he completely fluffed his lines and lost the ball.
If anyone needed more evidence that Cresswell is a better defensive choice than Masuaku, minute 50 to 52 would seal the deal. First, he made a fantastic block right in front of Fabianski on Rondon. Then he made a fantastic sliding tackle. But it was the latter moment of skill that might be remembered as the moment the day went downhill because he pulled a hamstring and had to be replaced by the aforementioned non defender.
In the 58th minute, yet another pair of chances that we could have despaired about later unfolded. First, Arnautovic fed Hernandez in the box but the ball slid between the Lil Pea’s feet. A moment later Chicharito was fed by Anderson in front of goal. A second goal was there. It had to be. Side netting, followed by furious pillow punching in my basement.
The funny part about watching a match on a stream is that often the feed is delayed a few seconds. Which can be annoying because I have an app that gives instant updates. So when my phone made the chime indicating a goal, I was nervous to look. But then I saw Chicharito streaking in on goal down the right and I was hopeful. When he rolled the ball under Dubravka, I was elated.
Newcastle 0
West Ham 2
In the 67th minute West Ham could have made it a three goal lead when Anderson launched a counter down the left. He had space in front of him as well as Hernandez in the middle of the box. He chose to go it alone, and forced Dubravka into a good save with his feet and out for a corner. The ensuing set piece came close as well when Diop just missed with a header that went wide.
By the way, if anybody could post the lyrics to what sounded like We’ve Got Diop, Issa Diop, I’d be eternally grateful.
The theoretical nightmare that accompanied Masuaku entering the game at left back looked in the cards in the 77th minute when he committed an unnecessary foul on Rondon at the top of the West Ham penalty area. Voldemort stepped up to take the free kick, but his delivery went over the bar. A few minutes later Atsu bounced a pass to Rondon in the area but his shot was handled with ease by Fabianski.
As the final ten minutes wound down, I waited for that inevitable Newcastle goal that would make the final minutes agonizing. I could literally see Masuaku do something ridiculous that caused a goal to bounce in off his left nostril. Yet with two minutes to go in added time, as my cat Midnight made it clear that she needed my lap instead of the IPad, I breathed easy and put the writing away. Then my phone rang. My best mate Jon.
“I would have been happy with two nil!” he said. Another example of the internet lag, only this time it was a solid minute. It was three for West Ham, but I had yet to see it. Wilshire’s pass to Anderson was good. Quite good, actually. But you know what made the goal memorable? If Anderson took that shoulder from Schär a month ago, you what he would have done? Fall over, roll a couple of times, and then look at Tierney with his hands in the air. But he’s getting the hang of this England thing I reckon. He took the shoulder, and powered past the thoroughly shocked defender before putting the ball through Dubravka’s legs.
Final Score
Newcastle 0
West Ham 3
Simply put, I did not see this coming. Actually, the more accurate way to put it is that I couldn’t dream of this result. But through a combination of a confident manager, Anderson hitting stride, Hernandez finding a way into the starting eleven, and a solid defense, West Ham took three points home from a place they usually come home empty handed from.
Maybe I should predict disaster more often.