I hate Bournemouth now. I mean, I really hate them. And I used to like them in that second club kind of way. It wasn’t that they were awarded a goal they shouldn’t have gotten. And to be fair, they were the better side for most of that match. Heck, even Wilson acting like a total putz afterwards wasn’t the thing that turned on the revulsion in me. It was the club itself, using their official Twitter feed to make light of the fact they got away with cheating. I never expected them to say, “hey, the goal shouldn’t have counted”, but to publicly revel in it put that club in a light I never would have expected from them. So a curse on all their houses.
The Hammers began the match on the front foot, a term I only just learned has its roots in cricket, with Arnautovic leading the way in terms of being a nuisance to the Slimeball defense. Cresswell tried a low shot from outside the box, Noble sent a volley onto the top netting, and Kouyate got his head to a cross after a short corner that Begovic saved easily.
The first real opportunity belonged to West Ham in the 14th minute when Zabaleta once again started an attack by tracking back and winning the ball in the Slimeball half. He sent a beautiful cross into the box that split the Slimeball defense before settling on Arnautovic’s right foot. It was on its way to the back of the net but Begovic did well to push it over the bar for a corner.
The Slimeballs had their first real look at goal in the 21st minute from a set piece after Kouyate was whistled for a foul against Gosling 30 yards from goal. The delivery curled over the wall and found Francis unmarked at the far post. With a tight angle he tried to roll it across the face of goal but Adrian got a toe to it and knocked it out of the danger zone.
If two minutes can be considered extended pressure, then the visitors had that in the 31st minute, starting with a free kick after Ginge was shown a yellow card for being a brick wall that Fraser ran into. Moments later, Cook tried a shot from outside the West Ham penalty area that had Adrian beaten but curled just wide. That terrified feeling of not capitalizing on the early dominance began to creep in.
As the first half ran down, West Ham asked the final question before the break when they won a corner but Begovic punched it away from danger.
Halftime
West Ham 0
Slimeballs 0
The first moment of interest in the second half came when a shot attempt by Kouyate from inside the box went off the hand of Ake, but Atkinson didn’t do a thing in all likelihood because of the close range. Moments later Arnautovic won a corner but the Slimeballs cleared from danger. Lanzini then sent a ball across the face of goal but nobody was there for West Ham. Zabaleta sent a looping ball towards goal that his fellow Argentine Lanzini came an inch from getting to. The sustained pressure continued with yet another corner that Begovic was able to grab hold of, followed by an Arnautovic counter and a soft shot by Zabaleta.
In the 60th minute, Kouyate and Arnautovic combined on a give and go, with Kouyate doing the give while Arnautovic provided the go. The Austrian was in on goal all alone, but chose to try one more touch instead of a shot and that gave Cook time to get in his way and eventually win the ball.
The 63rd minute was a moment that could be more upsetting than giving up a goal. Lanzini went down holding his hamstring, and with quite literally no other creative midfield player on the roster the good vibrations at West Ham started to fade. Hernandez replaced him, but to what effect would remain to be seen.
While the loss of Lanzini may not have been directly responsible for what happened a few minutes later, I had to wonder. Masuaku and Arnautovic were working down the left of the Slimeballs penalty area. Without any outlet to work the ball into the penalty area, the ball eventually went all the back to Adrian. He hoofed it, and West Ham no longer had the ball. And you do need the ball if you want to score a goal. Goals help you win the game.
Minutes later, the danger of reeling from injuries and the lack of creativity punished West Ham when Fraser was let loose on a run down the left. Adrian should have come out to smother it, but his indecision combined with Zabaleta getting beaten allowed Fraser to run onto a pass from Stanislas and fire it into the net.
West Ham 0
Slimeballs 1
Last week, playing with my son on his birthday caused me to miss the Arnautovic goal at the start of the second half. Today it was writing the paragraph above. When I looked up because of Tony Gale’s excitement, the ball was behind Begovic and the game was even. The play was not that dissimilar. Ogbonna sent the ball long after the restart, Kouyate headed it forward, Arnautovic got a foot to it but Begovic couldn’t control and Chicharito banged it home. Fox In The Box. It’s what he does when allowed.
West Ham 1
Slimeballs 1
Despite the goal, the Slimeballs went back to asking the questions. Worryingly, West Ham looked disorganized and unsure in their own area. Players looked at each other, thinking it wasn’t their job to get the ball from danger. Worryingly like the early part of the season.
The 87th minute brought a moment of fear for the home supporters when Wilson and King combined in the West Ham area but King’s end product didn’t have enough pace to trouble Adrian. To make matters worse, Cresswell then pulled up lame with yet another West Ham-string problem. Turned out to likely be an ankle issue, but bad puns are part of my strategy to manage stress from these games. So I chose not to remove it. Just so you know.
By the time the five added minutes began, with all of the injuries I was 100% ready to accept a point and lick our wounds. The Slimeballs didn’t agree with that and kept pushing forward. It appeared that the final seconds were going to take place in the visiting half. Noble played Byram down the right and the late sub earned a corner. But Noble didn’t beat the first man, and the Slimeballs had a last chance to counter. West Ham defended well, and the teams shared the spoils.
Final Score
West Ham 1
Slimeballs 1
When this run of games against the teams around us in the table began, I said seven points was what I expected. Two games into it we have four, so based on my expectations we are ahead of schedule. But for me, today was a bit like that first game against Big Sam when he returned to Upton Park with Sunderland. I wanted to win that game so badly it felt like a Cup Final. Obviously today was different. And a draw was a fair result by and large. I just wanted to beat them.
Because they are cheating, good for nothing Slimeballs.