West Ham Till I Die
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The GoatyGav Column

The Football Equivalent Of Eddie Izzard's 'Wash & Go'?

I have many Eddie Izzard sketches that I love. ‘Death Star Canteen’, ‘Squirrel that’s left the gas on’, ’Pavolov’s Cat’ and ‘Are you happy with your wash? dog’ are among the numerous classics that have me in hysterics. Watching West Ham against Everton brought one to mind. Whilst ribbing manufacturer’s advertising campaigns Eddie enquires why a certain brand of shampoo can’t be called ‘Wash and stay here for a bit’. Replace the word ‘Wash’ with ‘Pass’ and you’ve got a great description of what was clearly happening on Wednesday night. So many players were not showing for others it became almost entirely static. I can remember more movement during games of ‘stuck in the mud’ in the school playground at nursery.

Options for players on the ball have been sparse for quite some time. While I’m critical of the sideways and backward balls played so often by West Ham this season I do acknowledge that, on occasion, there has been nothing else that players have been able to do.

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The contrast with Everton was so plainly obvious. Give and goes all over the pitch from them and immobile players following passes from us. They were hungrier – wanted it more. Their movement created triangles all over the pitch and was something to learn from. Ok – so Ayew up front on his own was a mistake by Moyes but he did recognise this and the substitution at the start of the second half changed the game and shows he’s learning about his squad all the time. In fact I sat in my Cardiff hotel room at half time wondering ‘is Moyes going to change this?’ When I saw Diafra waiting to come on I then thought ‘is Moyes going to make a like for like change?’ So he came through on both counts which is deserving of credit.

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Mr Moyes blamed individual mistakes. Had we scored the penalty which I don’t blame Lanzini for at all, rather putting it down to a brilliant save from Pickford, the momentum we’d started to gain in the early stages of the second half may well have continued. Instead of that we went three down to a great goal from hat-trick boy Rooney after Harte’s gaffe of a clearance.

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On the subject of Rooney one thing that did annoy me about Everton on Wednesday night was his blatant studding of Lanzini. Watching it back his intent was clear with a complete focus on Manu’s calf. Retrospective action called for IMO.

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In all fairness it’s my heartfelt belief that the game had already gone away from us in the first half and that was more down to the lack of movement than anything else. Obiang and Kouyate seem to have lost all the vigour that made them such assets for the team. Could they be our equivalent of England’s Lampard and Gerrard – seemingly unable to combine? Not saying that’s the root of their lack of form but the pair seem unable to find their mojo this season.

Opposition teams have got off to fast starts against us so many times this term. While switching on from the first whistle might not be the answer to all our problems I suspect it might play a big part in helping.

I’d like to see a few things in the coming games. More dynamism in our interplay is first amongst them. Otherwise Tony Cottee’s pre match comment about West Ham not going down this season will be in serious question.

COYI! West Ham 4 The Cup!

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