Alright, I brought a nasty little cold back home from London, so while I’m typing this out I’m sitting wrapped up in a warm blanket, enjoying one blackberry flavoured lozenge after the other while drinking camomile tea from my West Ham mug, a sure telltale sign I’m under the weather. Still, I cannot lie in bed all day, so I might as well do this.
Right then, here’s the quick rundown/stats of my recent ten day trip back to London:
Five games of football watched in ten days.
Among them three West Ham first team games – Two wins and a draw, 4 goals scored, 2 goals conceded.
7 points out of 9.
Met a lot of WHTIDers I already knew and some more I hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting before.
Saw both our new stadium and the old one again.
Ventured out for a great day into Kent.
Had a bit of a piss up in a brewery.
Finally managed to see what the end of the District Line (Upminster) looks like.
Bought (too) many books, had plenty of mince pies, a lot of pizza, some hamburgers (obviously), BSB’s fantastic chilli con carne but NO pie and mash.
What follows is another more detailed account, with loads of name dropping, but not a lot of personal pics as frankly I couldn’t be bovvered and you all probably know what the Barking Road looks like anyway. Or the inside of a brewery. Or Stratford. So let’s go, hope you enjoy the ride:
December 9th, Friday, day of arrival
Despite the usual sleepless night (all that excitement!) before my trek to Hamburg Airport, the following flight to Stansted Airport and drive on to Stratford by coach were mastered with German efficiency and precision and I arrived at my lodgings in Canning Town in no time. It was the first time I had used airbnb and I chose it because it was in Canning Town (and because Iron Liddy had recommended it). I had been to the area before and obviously due to the various historical links to West Ham United I was happy to stay 50 metres away from where West Ham United were founded in 1900 on the first floor of what is now the Station Cafe.
The fact that my hostess was a masseuse from Latvia gave us all a solid foundation to create various witty remarks and silly banter in the following days, so just to get this out of the way early: I don’t think she was that kind of masseuse and there certainly was no happy ending for me (thanks to Iron Liddy and Russ telling me about this wonderful phrase, only the first instance where this trip proved to be highly educational…).
Canning Town of course is not the nicest area to be in these days, but on the plus side it features plenty of shops and food outlets :-) which turned out to be very useful along the way.
I then met up at noon with a lovely group of people (Liddy, Russ (The Original One), VoR, Irons1959, Ennate and ChickenRunBoy) and had a lovely lunch at a pub (which had been recommended to us by toddyhammer) near Bromley-by-Bow Station (which is still in the Cockney Inclusion Zone I believe). I had some liver pate as a starter which looked like cat food but tasted better to be fair and the afternoon was filled with great banter, witty remarks and generally good spirit (not just in the glasses either).
Liddy then (as usual) had another trick up her sleeve, taking us on a lovely walk along Bow Creek (where the Thames Ironworks used to be), with a little whistle stop to have some tea and cake (what else?) at the fabulous Bow Creek Cafe and a swift round in the Black Lion pub in Plaistow. As it had been a long day most of us (myself included) turned in early though and I left the pub shortly after 8pm.
A great start to a fantastic trip.
December 10th, Saturday
Spent lazily with London’s best cabbie BSB in his place in Dagenham. Had a first opportunity to taste his wonderful homemade chilli con carne, he said it was minced beef, I still believe it was badger and squirrel, but it was tasty nonetheless. Watching telly and checking out our individual betting sites online we stumbled upon the fact that Dagenham&Redbridge were just about to kick off their first round tie in the FA Trophy against Worthing. How did we miss that ? As the ground is in walking distance to BSB’s flat we got a move on and arrived just in time for kickoff. I had seen the ground before but not on a matchday. What a splendid proper little football stadium that is, oozing character, and guess what ? You can actually read the names and numbers on the shirts of the players as you are close to the pitch!
Alas, Worthing did some giant killing on the day, winning with a 2:1 scoreline. Respect to the Worthing away support, their support was top notch and they had both BSB and me in stitches when after a Dagenham player had fouled one of their lads the whole away end chanted “You dirty Northern bastards!” Looking up on a map where Worthing is located I suppose they sing this quite a lot when they follow their team over land and sea! After the game we just had a quiet beer or two at BSB’s place again before turning in early yet again as we had a long and eventful day ahead of us: Liverpool away! Off to Anfield! COYI!
December 11th, Sunday
You could surely have picked an easier fixture as your first away game than Liverpool away. But then again, watching a game at Anfield should be on the bucket list of any serious football fan, no matter where he or she is from. BSB picked us up in Canning Town early morning, we then collected VoR, had a quick breakfast (I had Full English with liver on the side which I usually don’t have, but maybe subconsciously I figured it might give us an edge playing against Liverpool later, the weird things that go on in this German brain sometimes…).
The drive up went incredibly well, so we arrived with time to spare and watched some of the Man United game in BSB’s car, in the stadium car park, on his mobile.
When Mkhitaryan scored BSB had me in stitches when he put on his best Scouse accent praising “Mickey? My Mickey? Mickey-Mickey-Mickey-Mickey-tariyan”.
It was like Pavlov’s dog really, only in this case the conditioning was such that BSB during the following days only had to do his Liverpudlian impresssion to make me collapse in a heap of laughter. Ask him to do this impression next time you meet him, it’s Live at the Apollo worthy material…:-)
What to say about Anfield ? A proper football stadium, gobsmackingly out of this world good, if you offered me that with claret and blue seats somewhere in East London I’d be snatching your hands off. Plus maybe your arm and a leg as well. The Hillsborough memorial, the location smack in the middle of the community, the fans and families making their pilgrimage into the ground from all four sides, all of that combined oozes vibes of tradition and shows the class of what is simply a very well supported club.
I am not a Liverpool fan by any stretch of the imagination, but I cannot deny the fact they are a massive club.
Funnily enough in my mind I had imagined the ground to be even bigger, but it is compact, beautiful and even more amazing under the lights, but I couldn’t hear much of the home crowd that day to be honest because standing among the Hammers’ away fans I virtually only heard West Ham songs and chants all game long – the funniest one being the one about feeding the Scousers and letting them know it’s Christmas time. After a topsy-turvy game (why do we have to concede goals early in a half so bloody often ?) we drove back home in a good mood and I celebrated in the proper way – with a late night meal at McDonald’s in Canning Town (remember that Liverpool is a long way away and we only had breakfast and a burger at Anfield all day).
December 12th, Monday
Back to my old hunting grounds it was to Barking. I had planned to visit my old colleagues at Hapag, but as I came over totally unannounced and the place was extremly busy before Christmas unfortunately my former boss had no time to see me at such short notice, so I merely had a quick stroll down memory lane or rather Barking Park (where I had spent many afternoons while living right opposite in Wilmington Gardens 20 years ago) and I also did some quick shopping in the local shopping center. As with the West Ham stadiums, that shopping center in Barking is on quite another planet altogether when compared with the spick and span glitter and glamour of Westfield Stratford. It’s up to each of us to decide which one we prefer…I would like something in between to be honest.
After a quiet afternoon it was back to Dagenham (God, poor old BSB must have begun to feel sick at the sight of me at that point) – for the development squad’s game against Swansea. West Ham lost 2:3, but showed great character by coming back from a 0:3 scoreline. As for the players I was still impressed by my favourite player, winger Dan Kemp, but equally impressive were Marcus Browne, fellow striker Toni Martinez, Vashon Neufville and young Alex Pike (I couldn’t stop shouting “Don’t tell him Pike” whenever he was touching the ball). Both BSB and I couldn’t quite understand why the manager’s son, Sam Westley, was starting at RB. He didn’t control or pass the ball well, and the other players seemed to avoid giving the ball to him for that very reason. It was rather painful to watch and Westley was substituted at halftime.
For once I made BSB laugh out loud when the Swansea manager was shouting instructions at his players from the sidelines, obviously in a heavy Welsh accent.
Instinctively I raised my voice and gave him a good old “Speak English you c***!”. The irony didn’t escape us of course.
Quick regards need to go out to Dave and Barry, two Hammers fans I met at halftime when queuing for a tea (for BSB) and a hamburger (for me). They were chatting about the London Stadium Tour one of them had recently been on and as I was interested I asked them about it, and obviously we were soon enough embroiled in a discussion how a German lad from Hamburg came to support the mighty West Ham United. I still find it incredible how welcoming and embracing (most) West Ham fans are, they really don’t give a monkey’s where you’re from, if you are rich or poor, or what the colour of your skin is, as long as you support West Ham you’re alright. I love that.
December 13th, Tuesday
And I followed up the recommendation from Dave and Barry and took the Stadium Tour at London Stadium. I was joined by a temporary flatmate of mine from the Canning Town accommodation (the one with the Latvian masseuse), a Sri Lankan geezer with Scottish and Dutch ancestors, working in Oman, supporting Liverpool but visiting relatives in London. If yer Loaf hasn’t exploded while trying to process that, congratulations! That guy was keen on visiting some of the London football grounds so he was happy enough to tag along.
I can really recommend that tour, even if you don’t like the matchday experience or maybe even consider giving up on attending home games altogether.
They give you a multimedia device with earphones and you are guided from station to station taking in the posh corporate lounges, the tunnel, showers, dressing room, Slaven’s office, the flash rooms where they do the post match interviews and of course, as the highlight of the tour, you get to go pitchside which is the moment you really begin to pity Bilic as it is indeed a bloody long walk from the dugout to the pitch.
They also show you some nice little films about the history of West Ham, Bobby Moore, the Olympics and our glorious final season at the Boleyn and frankly those videos are quality. I also felt my heart beating that little bit faster when we were in the dressing room, with all the shirts hanging there as if the players were just about to enter.
(Did you know that every first team player gets a fresh set of three shirts for every game, meaning that they actually no longer wash the matchday shirts or use them again?)
In general the guides that are manning the various stations are all from different backgrounds, some used to work at the Boleyn, some of them for many years (and already missing it terribly), some don’t even support West Ham, but still do a nice enough job, having read up on the relevant data in order to take up their posts. We met a Spurs fan (!!!) who was working as a guide in the dressing room when we entered, he was a good fella to be honest and nice to talk to. The cheeky bugger tried to test my West Ham credentials when I was silently touching Bobby Moore’s retired #6 shirt, so he enquired if I knew who the last West Ham player was wearing #6 before the shirt was retired.
As if he could embarrass me like that in front of a Liverpool fan from Sri Lanka: I said “Well, it was a player who was never fit to wear that number in the first place, Matthew Upson.” It wasn’t a difficult question of course, but I was still happy that a Spurs fan didn’t get one over me about an issue relating to MY club. I then accompanied my Sri Lankan mate for a nice riverside walk from Tower Hill to Blackfriars Bridge (quick pint in The Blackfriars, my favourite Central London pub) and then returned to Upton Park for this:
I like reading, I love West Ham and I’m also curious about East London’s past. And I had heard good things about Newham Bookshop, located right where the Barking Road meets Green Street. Funny I had never been there before. They had a special Christmas sale on (20% off for all books) with late opening hours, so I entered into a wonderful world, filled with piles and shelves of books, plenty of community spirit, friendly banter and a warm welcome. The latter was delivered by Vivian Archer, proud manager, heartbeat and soul of the shop and an absolute institution. Due to the fact her parents hail from Germany she quickly caught upon the fact that I was from the same country. After being greeted in German I told her about being a fervent West Ham fan, how I came to support them in the first place and then I was dumbfounded to hear her ask if I was HamburgHammer by any chance.
Yes, alright, for a brief minute I thought I was actually a minor celebrity in East London now (which served as the spark for various jokes and set ups both online and at the stadium, everyone knowing about HamburgHammer becoming somewhat of a running joke among the WHTID community). The quite logical explanation though is that Vivian apparently reads the blog every day, so when she met a German West Ham fan in her shop she took a punt with her guess – and frankly, how many other German West Ham fans are likely to walk into Newham Bookshop on a Tuesday evening ? Probably not many.
I felt at home right away. Mince pies and nice winterly spiced hot drinks were being served up to the loyal customers (I got some too despite being a first time visitor) and I obviously also bought a few books (and some more a few days later). The shop felt more like a community center and I got the impression that there are plenty of customers there who have been buying their books from Vivian for ages. I just love shops like this and I hope it keeps on trading for many years to come.
I had some lovely chats about West Ham, Brexit and Germany, both with Vivian and John Newman who also works at the bookshop and I want to thank them a lot for their hospitality and putting up with me. If you enjoy reading more than just your gas bill leaflet or the sports pages of the tabloids, go there!
They have a great section of children’s books, but also a lot of stuff on West Ham, football and sports in general, biographies, history, travel books, fiction, non-fiction, classics and obviously a lot of books about East London. They will probably order the latest John Grisham bestseller for you if you ask for it, but if you are looking for something a bit more special, just put yourself in their capable hands and minds, you won’t be disappointed and leave the shop happy and eager to get your nose between the pages of your new books sharpish.
They probably know the right book for you before you even know it yourself! Oh, how I would love to have that bookshop in my neighbourhood in Hamburg!
December 14th, Wednesday
I have rarely ventured away from London on my trips so far, but thanks to Russ (still The Original One) that all changed with a fantastic day spent in his local neighbourhood in Kent. Travelling to Ebbsfleet from Stratford only took 10 minutes on the fast train where Russ picked me up for a grand tour of the major Medway Towns (Strood, Rochester, Gillingham, Chatham) which I had never heard of before but I really liked the look of both the towns and the surrounding countryside.
Russ told me a lot about the history, about Charles Dickens living there and he was in general a fantastic host throughout the day.
The Medway Towns might actually be a good area for me looking for accommodation I could actually afford in the event if I should decide to move back to England.
Throw in the pretty decent travel connections to London, why not ?
We had a quick look at Gillingham’s stadium (albeit only from the outside), spent a few hours in beautiful Canterbury (without meeting CanterburyMike though) before heading to the highlight event of the day: The visit of England’s oldest brewery, Shepherd&Neame in the charming town of Faversham. Russ had organised the tour, but he wasn’t to know that we would enjoy the privilege to have one lovely chirpy tour guide named Helen all to ourselves. We had also arrived at a critical time in their calendar as they were getting ready for their traditional Christmas do at Shepherd&Neame later in the evening, the proverbial piss up in a brewery looming large, maybe that’s why we only encountered smiling faces in the brewery during the tour.
We had a great tour, some nice chats with Helen and, with me, being a bit of a smartarse when it comes to beer, probably asking far too many questions, but Helen coped incredibly well which also goes for the tasting at the end of the tour. They give you six small glasses (about a pint in total) with six different beers produced there (lager, ale, stout), and you get to evaluate and judge the colour, clarity, smell, texture and of course the taste of the tipple. The guide drinks the tasting portions same as the visitors and as they probably do three or four tours every day I can only wonder how they manage to drink such copious amounts every working day.
I wish I could have stayed in Faversham for the evening, witnessing the Christmas do in that famous old brewery, especially considering what was to follow with the Burnley game at the London Stadium.
Truly one of the worst West Ham games I have ever been to, but luckily enough finishing with the right scoreline, a 1:0 win which meant my perfect record in terms of recent West Ham games attended does remain intact still, considering we won the Hull game in similar fashion by the same scoreline.
Oh yes, there was a highlight at the Burnley game, apart from the goal, I briefly met Safehands again and got the chance to say Hello again – it would have been a shame to leave London without seeing him again. Geez, he gets bigger and stronger with every visit! We could have used him at Anfield, but then again Safe is allergic to everything Scouse I understand.
If our next home games end with a different scoreline than a 1:0 win you all know who to blame. I wouldn’t mind seeing us win all our remaining home games 1:0, but hopefully with some better football to go with it…
December 15th, Thursday
The day started off badly as Nigel Kahn had to cancel meeting me later to sort out some personal business of his unexpectedly. So I got some more books from Newham Bookshop, read and posted a bit on WHTID, trying to find a kind soul to accompany me and do something in London at short notice. After a bit of toing and froing I hit the jackpot really, with Liddy inviting me to join her and her husband Mike aka Mr.Lids #2 for a pizza in Upminster in the evening. I obviously didn’t know I hit the jackpot at that stage but that is exactly how the evening turned out to be and once again I realised that spontaneous get togethers are often the best and most memorable ones.
Overdoing the German efficiency for once I arrived in Upminster one hour early so I had a quick stroll up and down the High Street and returned to our meeting point, The Junction pub, where, as Liddy has also been mentioning in her comments, she spent many a day in her past and which has been a focal point in her life for many years now.
Ordering a coffee to pass the time I drew mocking comments from a geezer next to me and bang, I was engulfed in another conversation about West Ham with a total stranger.
Mind you, I could have used some subtitles for this one as he was a Geordie living in London and while I can cope with most British accents by now I have to admit I was struggling with that one. Finally I was being saved by the arrival of Lids and Mike and what a true pleasure it was to see Mike again (which I wouldn’t have otherwise as he refuses to set foot inside the London Stadium for a West Ham game ever again). We were chatting, drinking our drinks, comparing pictures of our cats (What are you smirking at, you muppet?), discussing the new stadium and the Boleyn when who else would walk in than Liddy’s first husband, the one who had taken her to her first West Ham game all those years ago – what a coincidence!
(Then again he might spend three hours in there every other day…what do I know ? :-))
After we left the pub Liddy and Mike took me to their local pizza place, Pizza Express (I thought it was a chain similar to Pizza Hut, but I’m glad to confirm I was very wrong).
It’s always nice to come to a restaurant which your hosts have frequented for ages, so there was a lot of kissing, hugging and smiling going on. I drew some laughters when I asked the waiter where in Italy he originally came from as I thought he sounded just like Paolo DiCanio. With a smile as broad as his pizzas he said he was from Albania.
We had some nice food and drink (all paid for by Mike I am ashamed to admit, but they wouldn’t accept to take any money from me, bless them!) and some really personal, deep conversations. It was like we had known each other for 20 years already, not 2 and I cannot begin to thank them enough for one of the very best evenings I had in 2016. Both of them are salt of the earth material really and I am proud to count them among my friends now. Hospitality, kindness, warmth, heart, intelligence and wit personified, and I can only extend my invitation to them again to come over and visit me in Hamburg whenever they fancy.
December 16th, Friday
Nigel Kahn phoned me up to confirm he had sorted out his stuff and was ready to meet me in the evening. Meeting up at Canning Town Station he took me to the London Thames Cable Cars, taking us to the wrong side of the river where the O2 stands. It was a lovely clear evening with great views over the riverfronts and the London Skyline and I had to smile at Nigel reacting to the running commentary in the cable cars aimed to impress the tourists presumably, boasting about the Olympics and the regeneration of East London. Suffice to say he wasn’t having any of it, but then again I wasn’t expecting Nigel to go along with the marketing and PR crap.
We then moved to Brick Lane, but I found it to be depressingly touristy, so we didn’t have our curry there and opted to walk back towards Plaistow and Canning Town.
On the way not only did we discover that there is a decent overlap in our musical tastes (Smiths, Morrissey, Iron Maiden) but he also showed me various places dear to him, where he was born, where he played as a kid, where he met his wife etc. We also tried to discuss and establish the exact boundaries of the Cockney Inclusion Zone, but I’m still not quite sure what or where they are, if it’s about being born in earshot of the Bow Bells or about the postcode or where you went to school, but I’m pretty certain Hamburg is definitely outside, so I will unfortunately never be a true Hammer…:-)
Arriving at the Barking Road we had a lovely curry in that restaurant I had been to before for my birthday curry after the Palace game last April. While waiting for the food we discussed all kinds of West Ham blogs and individual posters, who is a true fan and who isn’t and various other issues. Nigel is one of a kind really and let me assure you he is much different in person than his online persona. The mere fact that he was spending so much time with a foreigner, and a German at that, speaks volumes really.
The evening ended with a swift pint in the Black Lion in Plaistow and I’d like to thank Nigel for being fantastic company, dining and drinking with a Kraut, the enemy so to speak…in relative peace and quiet…
December 17th, Saturday
Matchday! Surely this was going to be it. A convincing thrashing of lowly Hull. A footballing celebration delivered by our lads in claret and blue! As we all know it was again a very dire performance and I still don’t quite know how Hull didn’t get even one much deserved point out of this. One has to say though it was an entertaining game, end to end stuff. But the whole stadium experience simply doesn’t do it for me. I have visited numerous football stadiums in Germany, England, Scotland, Spain, Czech Republic, Denmark, Sweden and France. Nowhere else have I felt this detached from the game on the pitch. I know they play football behind a running track elsewhere, but it just isn’t for me. Although the atmosphere during the game seems to have improved, the whole surroundings don’t sit right with me, the fact that you cannot even choose the route you wanna take when leaving the stadium, the whole Stratford area with the Shopping Center and all those poncy flats and lofts.
It simply doesn’t say “West Ham United” to me, but then again I’m just a silly middle-aged fart, way too set in my ways to adapt.
I know things change and progress, but how we have gone from one extreme (location, feel, smell and matchday experience of The Boleyn Ground) to the other in Stratford, well, that’s frankly too much change for me all at once and I will nail my colours to the mast here and say I won’t be buying another season ticket next season. I will still try to pick and go to the occasional home or away game. But other than that I’m more than happy with watching us on the telly. To go and watch Concordia. Or, whenever I come over to England, watch the Daggers, our development squad or the U18s. It’s not glamourous, there’s no popcorn, but the football is the center of attention, the way it should be.
I shall not forget to mention finally meeting the one and only Dan Coker and his dad John before the game, they were both great company to have and Dan did confirm to me that indeed he is doing all the match previews by himself and doesn’t rely on a well trained and qualified staff of researchers and writers as I would have thought. At the game I also met CarlinSir and his wife and BSB once again kept the running gag going by setting me up at halftime. After I returned from a quick visit to the toilets (the only thing I really consider to be an improvement compared to Upton Park) I was approached by a young fella in the row behind us (gramsci from WHTID) asking me the now customary question “Are you Hamburg Hammer?” When he was asking for a photo with me on top of that I had an inkling that once again BSB must have been plotting away to take the mickey and they all cracked up with laughter again.
Gramsci then joined a little group of us including CarlinSir and wife, Ennate, VoR and Heedsy (just back in the country from Spain) for some post match drinks a bit further afield from Stratford in Hackney Central. We found a pub nearby and it wasn’t packed to the rafters and you could actually have a decent pint and conversation in there which is just what we had. I switched from beer to softdrinks though after the first round as I was beginning to feel under the weather, the early signs of the flu I am still suffering from. So it was still early when it was back to Canning Town for me in order to pack my things and get to bed early as my trip was coming to its end (just as this article).
December 18th, Sunday
I wasn’t happy. I didn’t fancy flying back, I hadn’t slept properly due to a sore throat and blocked nose and I wasn’t looking forward to the trek to Stratford and on to Stansted.
And I hadn’t even watched MOTD as there was no bloody telly at my lodgings. Who came in to save the day once again ? Yes, the fun poking cabbie from Dagenham East.
He sent me a text message inviting me to come to his place, he would put me on his sofa, cup of tea and a biscuit, to be followed by a second helping of his now famous (or shall I say notorious?) chilli con carne and watch MOTD first and the Bournemouth vs. Southampton game after that.
Being the star and gentleman he just is he also dropped me off at the airport in his car (with his wife Karen who I vastly prefer to the one running our club also giving me a mince pie to take home as a nice little memory of this pre-Christmas trip).
The football I saw, especially in the home games of the first team, was atrocious. If it had been for these games alone it would have been a waste of airmiles.
However, as I also got to see Anfield and some nice old-school football at Dagenham’s ground and as I also met all those lovely people mentioned above, it was yet another trip to savour for a long time. If I can find the right kind of job in England and also make it work financially I might seriously consider moving back to England, despite Brexit and all that.
Would I miss Concordia and Hamburg ? Of course I would. But for some reason I feel extremly happy and comfortable whenever I’m in England. And that has given me a lot of food for thought (cue the puns about pies, pizza and burgers) for the new year. Thank you all for making this such a great trip! Hope to see you again soon!
Wishing you all Frohe Weihnachten und einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr! (Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!) COYI!