West Ham Till I Die
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Nostalgia

The Lies We Tell

After listening to different sad tales of my boyhood growing up supporting West Ham, my wife suggested I share a couple of my earlier tales as at least she finds them amusing. Especially the lies we tell to do something we love.

My non football loving dad was nagged to take me to Upton Park for a couple of years until I finally got to see West Ham play at home to Burnley in 1967. I left the Boleyn that day completely hooked. Me being little, everything was so big and noisy at that game and I just loved it! I was eleven and for the next year lied to my parents about what I was doing on Saturdays. They thought I was playing at a friends house whilst I was taking myself off to West Ham for all home games and the other weeks I was going off to watch the reserves. Good job I was earning my “pocket money” – collecting Littlewoods Pools football coupons on a Thursday night, because there was no other way to afford my addiction. After 12 months I could not keep the excitement I was experiencing at games inside me – I had to find another excuse, and one where I could tell everyone about the mighty Hammers.

So, I did what any ingenious and desperate kid would do. I invented the “going to the game with a mate and his dad” excuse. So now my dad would drop me off closer to the bus stop I needed to be at, whilst his son walked off to a nearby house to catch a lift with his imaginary “friends”. A friendly wave goodbye as I walked away to “my friends” house was all that was needed as my parents trust in me was left waving in the wind. Now I could go to all games (with my mate and his dad), and I could tell everyone about it! I could even stand in the same place behind the North Bank goal and when The Big Match cameras were there I could try and point myself out to mum and dad on Sunday afternoon. Being quite small as a kid for me meant getting to the front of the North Bank queue really early to ensure getting down the front behind the goal. An eleven year old, on his own in the East End was starting to learn “street smart” on his own as he trekked by bus and then by train every week to games. Bobby Moore always took the left hand post at opposition corners and I was not sure whether he was winking at just me, or all the kids that stood behind that goal, before the corner kick was taken. Gary Sprake the Leeds goalie, actually gave me a chewing gum when I asked him, well he threw it at me if I am honest.

One match against Man Utd I decided I needed to be there REALLY early – and so I was. But the crowd and the crush a half an hour before gates opened had me with my feet off the ground and out of control as the crush took control. People were passing me by the dozens as I stayed suspended in the air and out of control and by the time I got onto the ground, and into the ground, all the spots at the front were taken. So that day I found my new favourite spot – a stanchion, some six yards back from the goal, which I stood at for the next four seasons. I remember the enormous queues at Upton Park Station after games and thinking to myself that I should hold back before joining them to get home. One day to let time pass I went into the pet shop on Green St and bought myself a pet white mouse that I kept under my bed for several days until one day he escaped. I remember hearing my mum tell my dad that our cat had caught a mouse in the house and that she didn’t think wild mice were white? Oops!

I remember a night match against Burnley in 1968 where we won 5-0. We went top of the League for the first time in our history and I tagged onto the waves that did the memorable knees up mother brown down Green St that night – as a 12yo on his own I still don’t know how I got away with that one? There are so many stories to tell I would bore you to death! But for any of you with kids, just remember how powerful an experience a great match can be with little ones. Once hooked they will almost certainly live with the same passion for our great club for the rest of their lives.

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West Ham Till I Die is a website and blog designed for supporters of West Ham United to discuss the club, its fortunes and prospects. It is operated and hosted by West Ham season ticket holder, LBC radio presenter and political commentator Iain Dale.

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